Cheesy post holding site
So I just have the must brilliant idea that would be involving me, a keyboard and my old blog. Look at it. Just look. It's pink, I get the pink part but doesn't it look so damn feminine . What was I thinking back then, my guess would be that I was trying to make my blog more lady-friendly.
Because back then, boy's line of thinking: Pink = Girly
Pink = Gay
Pink = That singer
Anyway, losing track of what I was going to do in the first place. So, listen kah heng. Think this through. Listen to yourself. Are you sure you are cool with doing this? I mean, you've never done this before, so why now? Why her?
Answer: I love her?
Wow there. Woooooooowww there. Take a step back. Breath in some fresh air with your charred lungs and calm down. Did you just say that "YOU LOVE HER"? What a bold statement. Come on dude, you got to be kidding me right?
Answer: I'm not.
Listen, listen to me. Come on. Listen to the devil inside you. You don't love her, you're just saying that.
Answer: But I'm not.
You are. You are. I know you. I am you.
Answer: You're the other part of me that's afraid of taking risk and loving someone. You're the side that everyone hates but have to live with.
That's insulting ain't it PARTNER? Think about all those girls you've dated. Don't you love living that way.
Answer: No.
NO? Use your memory, draw connections, start to picture the golden years.
Answer: It's not golden years and no. It's pointless. It was all just a way to kill time. It was just a way for me to get company. And when we get bored, what do we do? We dump them. How fucking pointless is that. How fucking stupid is that? Why did you even make me do all that in the first place. Do you not pity the girls that you've dated. The way you psychologically tortured after the break up.
But you were part of it. You did all that do. You can't put the blame on me.
Answer: I'm not. I do take responsibility for it too. Just that you play such a huge part in all this. Look why are we even talking about this? It's all in the past. I'M a better man now. I found love. I truly understand what love is.
*switches off "the dark side of kah heng"*
I do, I understand what love is.At least I think I know what it is. It's hard to explain it, but that's the whole point. Love is like that. I've been living without love, and now that I've place my heart into another person, my world changed. We all listen to countless of songs telling us how "the one" can really change you, change you for the better. I used to laugh it off. I used to not think so much about it. But when I experience, it all make sense. I find myself bopping my head to classic love songs or just nod in contentment to a love song.
No one can fully describe love. I mean you have thousands of songs out there singing about the same thing but it's never really the same thing.
This is what I typed to her the other day. I was feeling pretty down, and my iPhone chose to play sad british pop music. Thanks iPhone. You know just the thing I need!
"Love is selfish, Love is selfless.
Love is so damn confusing, I couldn't care about anything but you. It makes me do stupid things. It makes me do silly things. It pumps you full of joy. (Note* not included in the message: A FUCK LOAD OF JOY) It pumps you full of fear (Note*: This part is fucking terrible)"
I'm just filled with joy now. I know now how much I love her. It's like I just want to spam her email with tons of cheesy messages. PLEASE DO UNDERSTAND THAT I FUCKING HATE CHEESY STUFF. When I see people tweets, I shudder. But it's so bloody two-face of me to say that I hate it, yet feel so very comfortable when I'm doing it. It's strange. It's very strange.
Anyway, this is but one percent of what's in my brain. I have to take it slow. I will have to type it out. But I will need to process it first. I usually see things in like short movie clips. Anyway, talk to you soon future self.
Side note: Do you just love how much you've grown? Seriously, do a comparison. Scroll down. Anyway know this, even if it doesn't work out, bro it's definitely not your fault. I mean she does nasty things to you, you know right? You've been there. You're my future self! But know this, I'm ohkay with all the stuff she throws at me. I just love her way too much to let her go. It's like oxygen, I need her. But you're not needy, don't worry. Not THAT needy. You're fully certified to be her whale. I mean you were and you were doing a fine job. Hope when you're reading this, you're still with her. CHEERS! :)
